Why Bars Suck

As many of you may know I live in Germany, do to my military career.  Being in the military in an internationally known beer country creates a lot of opportunities for a person of my age to go to bars.  I happen to enjoy bars for the most part, but on occasion they make me uncomfortable.  Here are a few reasons why.

Reason number 1:  Crazy Girls
Time to toot my own horn, for a small guy I get quite a bit of attention from woman in bars.  The only problem with that is the type of woman I tend to get attention from (loco muchachas).  I was in Prague not too long ago with some friends.  We were sitting in a bar when a young woman sat next to me, looked me straight in the eyes and said "I am going to make twenty babies with you".  I sat there speechless, looking at her as my friends started laughing.  When I mustered the courage to say words of any kind, the only word that came out was "No!... No baby's".  She then proceeded to try and make the number larger, 30, 40, 50 and so on until it was apparent my friends couldn't breath from laughing, so we got up and left.

Reason number 2:  The Tough Guy
One summer night my buddy Rubio and I decided to hit up the local bars because there was nothing better to do.  Already buzzed we decided to go to Chucks (a well known American hang out bar).  When we got there the place was packed, so we headed for the billiard room hoping for some space when we were met buy a shirtless (S#!T faced) skinny guy who proceeded to scream the question "HEY! ARE YOU GUYS ARMY?".  We both shook our heads, He then stated "GOOD! CUZ IF YOU WAS ARMY I'D FIGHT YOU.... I DO MMA (mixed martial arts) BRA! I COULD TEACH YOU, BUT I LEAVE IN A WEEK.  Looking at him as if he was the biggest retard in the world, and him too drunk to notice, all I could say was "Cool story bro".  We decided to leave so we didn't have to give a police report in the event that "Mr. Spanky" got his ass kicked.

Reason Number 3:  My Drunk Friends
I tend to handle myself fairly well in the bar scenario, unfortunately I can't say the same for one of my friends.  He has been slapped, kicked in the balls, and poked with a hot fire poker.  As fate would have it I am usually the one to pull him out of such situations.  He's not a bad guy, he just always seems to find the other really drunk person in the room and somehow pisses them off.  Then I have to drag him out of wherever it is that we are before he gets beat up (not a small guy, but he can barely stand when drunk).

Parkour!

For the past few months I have been working out more than usual, so I decided it's time to give my new porcelain toned body a test drive by doing parkour.

What is parkour?
Parkour the process of getting from point "A" to point "B" in the most direct way possible while overcoming any obstacles in fluid motion.  In my case it's just an excuse for a 22 year old man to play on a playground at night.

All of this craziness started about a month ago when I went to GamesCom in Cologne Germany.  There was an obstacle course set up for Parkour (I was really bad at it) but it got me interested.  So far I have found myself leaping over park benches and climbing random do-dads when no one is around, and then quickly shifting to acting like I'm on a casual stroll when someone decides to walk their dog late at night. One of my friends is planning on filming my uncoordinated attempts soon so I will post pics when available.